


There is no title for a tragedy

by thequadraticformula



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Cancer, F/F, F/M, Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22195831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequadraticformula/pseuds/thequadraticformula
Summary: It was tragic from the start.
Relationships: Hirai Momo/Kim Dahyun, Hirai Momo/Kim Heechul
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	There is no title for a tragedy

**Author's Note:**

> This work is crossposted on Wattpad and Asianfanfics under the user 'thequadraticformula'.  
> DO NOT REPOST THIS WORK.

It was tragic from the start.

Dahyun was a part of a religion that condemned homosexuality.

Momo was already in a relationship.

Dahyun was trying and failing to graduate university.

Momo was dying from stage 2 lung cancer.

Dahyun is afraid of loss.

Momo has a full-time job.

Dahyun has an unborn child.

Momo doesn’t like to be touched.

None of the stars were correctly aligned.

It would be more likely for the world to end, it seemed, than for their relationship to work out. The odds of a camel going through the eye of a needle and even the chance of a rich man entering through the gates of heaven were greater. It was practically impossible. Unimaginable. Incomprehensible for them to fall in love.

But love doesn’t give you a choice.

It was as if Dahyun’s eyes were forced to fixate on the cashier of the clothing store. If she turned away, her mind seemed to threaten her with something undeniably horrible. She could just see her if she tilted her head slightly to the left past the mannequin wearing the hoodie she wanted to purchase.

Dark eyes, messy raven locks pulled into a ponytail, her uniform unkempt and the name badge missing (Dahyun internally cursed her at that). From this distance away, Dahyun could see her pouty red lips and noticed that every few seconds she would lick the surface of her teeth (a nervous habit?) and her nails were painted what seemed to be a lilac hue (she noticed because they clashed with the red uniform). There was no doubt in Dahyun’s mind in that very moment that Momo was the most beautiful girl she had ever seen.

“Dahyun? What are you looking at?” It is her mother talking. She doesn’t really want to answer her.

“Nothing.” Is what she decides she will say ( _I am looking at an angel_ ). She continued to look at the unnamed angel employee, trying to understand the feeling that was slowly building in the pit of her stomach. It was like a simultaneous rising and sinking feeling mixed with a pump of adrenaline. She hadn’t ever experienced something like this before.

“Well, stop staring into space and pick the colour you want. We don’t have all day.” She was right. They didn’t have all day, but Dahyun’s brain thought they did. In a daze, Dahyun turned back to her mum and pointed to the first hoodie that appeared in her line of vison.

“Green? Are you serious?”

Momo didn’t feel well today. She hadn’t slept, her shift at the clothing store started at seven, she felt like shit and her boyfriend wasn’t picking up the phone. She had spent the entirety of her hour-long break calling and texting him to come and pick her up. She couldn’t tell her boss that she was sick without a way to get home. Otherwise she would have to spend the rest of her ten-hour shift in the shopping centre with nothing to distract her and feeling like she was going to cough her lungs up and spew all over the floor.

This wasn’t the worst Momo had felt, but it was slowly climbing the list of worst days as the hours dragged on. The deep pain in her chest wouldn’t go away no matter how much she tried to cough and swallow. She wanted to blame her boyfriend when he came back to pick her up at five. Yell at him and cry and make him feel guilty and useless. But really it was her that was useless. She was the one wasting away from the inside out.

Momo didn’t know how long she had been staring into nothing, but before she knew it, a customer was in front of her. A young woman and what she would only assume was her mother.

“Good afternoon.” Momo’s fake happy voice took over and her voice box went on autopilot. They were buying a few pairs of jeans, a white shirt that must have been for the woman’s husband or maybe the younger girl’s brother, and a pasty green hoodie.

Momo reached to take the clothes from the older woman. As she passed the hoodie, their hands accidentally touched which caused Momo to fumble and drop it pitifully on the counter. A tickle in her chest was building up. She hated being touched. She HATED it.

“Are you alright?” Momo’s eyes wandered over to the younger girl. She had the deepest, most sincere looking gaze, her eyebrows turned in slightly and her hands immediately picking up the hoodie and folding it neatly with the tag visible and accessible for Momo to scan.

Momo bowed and apologised, scanning the remainder of the clothes as quickly as she possibly could before she had to cough.

“H-have a good day.” She choked out after handing the bags to the older woman, making sure not to touch her and suppressing a violent cough.

“What’s your name?” The younger woman asked as she searched through her handbag for something. Momo wanted to murder her. Here she was, trying to do her job, about to die from a coughing fit and waiting for an opportunity to do so away from the customers, but she just wouldn’t go away!

“Hirai M-Momo.” She managed, tears coming to her eyes.

“Here Hirai-ssi.” The girl pulled a packet of tissues from her back, opened it and handed her one, making sure to place it on the counter so she wouldn’t risk touching Momo’s hand.

Momo didn’t have time to process the strange act of kindness before she snatched the tissue from the counter and coughed hard. Blood. Of course, there had to be blood when someone was watching. How embarrassing.

“Oh my…” The older woman cried, staring at the bloodied tissue in Momo’s hands and the stains on her teeth. “Dahyunie, we’ve got to go now.” She whispered, thinking Momo couldn’t hear. Of course, she could hear.

But the girl ignored the older woman, pulling a second tissue from the packet and placing it on the counter.

“On second thought,” She said, placing the entire packet down. “You can have them all. I’ll get you a drink of water.” She smiled, walking past the older woman who ran quickly away from Momo to catch up.

“Dahyun! Stop! What are you doing?” Dahyun’s mother took her by the sleeve before she could reach the vending machine just outside the entrance of the store. “That poor girl seems to have a disease of some sort. We should stay away! You don’t want to catch it.”

“I’m not going to catch it.” Dahyun sighed, pulling her arm away from her mother’s grip and approaching the machine, punching in the code for a bottle of water (what if it’s serious?). “I’m just helping her out.”

“We don’t want your baby catching anything!” Dahyun cringed, her hand automatically moving to rest on her stomach. She was glad it wasn’t visible yet.

“Don’t bring that up. I’m just helping someone out ok?”

Bending over, Dahyun picked up the water bottle from the slot and faced her mother.

“You start walking home. I’ll catch up.” She said and quickly walked back into the store before her mother could stop her.

The beautiful cahier (angel), Hirai Momo looked like a character from a video game that was awaiting a command. The tissues were gone. The entire packet, which meant she had either pocketed it, or used them all. She stared at Dahyun with a slightly fearful expression as she approached with the bottle of water.

This is where it all began. Where all the odds were beaten to the dirt.

Love didn’t give Dahyun a choice despite her knowledge of her family’s hatred toward homosexuals.

Love didn’t give Momo a choice despite the warmth she felt when the only person she trusted to touch her – her boyfriend – held her hand.

Dahyun’s university lectures clashed with everything. They started at four and went through until six and at seven she had to go straight home to eat and study before sleeping. Not time for her to see or even to text her angel (Hirai Momo), whom she had convinced to give her number the day they had met.

Dahyun knew she was crazy for asking for a woman’s number when they had only just met, but there was just something about Momo that drew her to her. Something she couldn’t ignore. Like a constant nagging at the back of her brain, similar to her mother’s constant reminder that she was pregnant and should be sleeping more.

It had been close to a fortnight after she had asked for Momo’s number. They felt an immediate connection with each other.

Momo was two years older than Dahyun (she was 24) and had been working at the clothing store ever since she left school. She lived with her boyfriend (Kim Heechul) and had been dating him for three years (Dahyun couldn’t help but feel jealous). She liked to eat jokbal and chili crab and everything else under the sun, but these days she didn’t feel hungry. She used to dance, but now she seemed to have run out of stamina.

When Dahyun asked, why she was feeling so unwell and why she was coughing (up blood) that day, Momo had replied almost immediately with something that made her heart sink.

**I have stage 2 lung cancer.**

**Oh. I’m sorry.**

**There’s nothing either of us could have done about it. Don’t be sorry.**

It made sense then. Momo’s grim disposition and her sickness and coughing. Dahyun almost convinced herself to block Momo’s number and never communicate with her again. She hated the thought of her… dead. Dahyun barely knew her, but she had no doubt in her mind that if Momo were to die, she wouldn’t be able to live with herself. But at the same time, if she were to leave Momo and save herself from the loss of someone, she could have gotten close to, she wouldn’t be able to live with herself either.

It was a lose-lose situation. Either way, Dahyun would lose someone and both times, that person was Momo (her angel). So, Dahyun didn’t leave, and instead, focused her mind on ways in which she could make the remainder of Momo’s time on earth full of happiness and light and laughter. She had yet to see the girl smile. She wanted to be the cause of her smile (Dahyun knew it would be beautiful).

Dahyun had a lecture this afternoon, but she decided to do something stupid.

Momo was surprised at the amount of times that Kim Dahyun’s smiling face appeared in the back of her mind throughout the day. She had only seen her once. The time they had met. But it was almost as if she had memorised her features already. Her half-moon eyes, her cute pointy teeth when she smiled, her tiny hands, her cute little ears.

She’d been hiding her phone from Heechul lately, unsure of what he would think of her sudden long conversations with a complete stranger. Her was very protective of her and worried at every little thing that had any potential to get her into trouble, so she knew that he would never let her talk to Dahyun. He couldn’t know.

Momo changed her password so he wouldn’t know how to get in, turned off her notifications and only used her phone in her hour break of her ten hour shifts every day, spending the afternoon with Heechul, alone and with no technology.

Her shift was almost over. Fifteen minutes until she was free and Heechul would come to pick her up. He had promised to take her out for dinner too. She was looking forward to exploiting the depths of his wallet for her bottomless stomach.

Tomorrow she was off to the hospital for her general check-up. She was going to have another course of radiotherapy to attempt to shrink or destroy the caner in her chest. If that didn’t work, she was going to do chemo. Maybe a surgery if nothing else worked. She just wanted this to be over. She wanted the cancer to spread and consume her quickly and painlessly… though of course that wasn’t possible.

“Momo-ssi?” Momo must have dozed off because, all of a sudden, a bright beautiful face has appeared in front of her.

“Dahyun?” She almost felt the need to cough in surprise. Dahyun, she knew, was supposed to be on her way to her afternoon lectures. They never even texted at this time. “What are you doing here?”

Dahyun’s face lit up in a way that made Momo’s heart race and the blood rush to her face.

“Your shift is over soon… right?”

“Yeah… why? Don’t you have lectures on now?”

Dahyun laughed at Momo and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I thought that it would be fun if I treated you to dinner. You free?”

Momo’s mind went blank at that moment. She forgot about her plans with Heechul, her boyfriend. She forgot about the cancer eating away at her lungs. She forgot about the job that she should be doing right now. All she could see was Dahyun’s smiling eyes.

“Yeah. I’m free.”

Dahyun was going home, a skip in her step and a fluffy feeling in her chest. She was so happy that she could almost feel the baby inside her jump for joy as well. There was no denying it. Hirai Momo was the one for her. She may not have known her for more than a week. She may already be in love with someone else. She may be dying slowly. She may not yet know about Dahyun’s homophobic family or her unborn child, but Dahyun knew for certain that she was the one.

She must have looked like a crazy person to the people on the train. She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face.

She had taken Momo to her favourite restaurant and bought her all the food she wanted. Momo loved to eat, it seemed and ate so much that Dahyun was worried she would go broke in the one sitting, which made Momo feel so guilty that she started to tear up. To cheer her up, Dahyun tried telling her cheesy jokes that she found on her phone, which, to her surprise, made Momo laugh in the most adorable way each and every time.

When Momo had looked at her phone abruptly telling Dahyun that her boyfriend was looking for her and she had to leave, she offered to walk her to his car. Momo obliged to her surprise and they walked through the mall side by side with a small distance between them as Dahyun knew that Momo must not like being touched.

To avoid awkward confrontations with her significant other, they parted ways at the escalator down to the car park. The smile that Momo left Dahyun with is one that she would never forget. Her whole face seemed to light up, her eyes sparking with stars she must have stolen from the night sky, her cheeks were rosy, and they looked so squishy that Dahyun had to restrain herself from reaching over on an impulse to pinch them.

“Thank you for today, Dahyun-ah.” She had said, her voice soft and nervous.

“No problem.” Dahyun replied, her feet shuffling sightly. “I’d do this any day for you.” (Was this flirting?)

“I’ll take you up on that. Is it a promise?” Momo’s smile changed slightly, one corner of her perfect lips turning up into a smirk. It made Dahyun’s knees weak (She might get pregnant a second time just from that look). To Dahyun’s surprise, Momo lifted her hand, pinkie extended.

This was a bad idea. This was a very, very bad idea.

“Promise.” Dahyun ignored her head that continued to scream at her in protest. She lifted her own hand carefully, looking into Momo’s eyes.

The only other person that Momo will let touch her is Dahyun. It wasn’t at all like when Heechul touched her.

Heechul was big and strong, his body could encase Momo’s entirely. She felt safe in his arms, as if anything could hit her, but she would always be shielded. His hands were big, and they could drown her own in their warmth. He was always gentle, soft and slow.

Dahyun was small and tiny. Momo found out that her body was able to encase Dahyun’s like Heechul did to her. It made her feel completely different. Like she was the one protecting instead of the one being protected. It was refreshing. She felt like she could run in front of a car to save Dahyun. She knew that she would protect her at all costs. She wondered if that was how Heechul felt about her. Dahyun’s hands were small, only slightly smaller than Momo’s, but when they held hands, it was like they fit together perfectly. Dahyun was gentle, soft and slow too. She liked affection, and for once, Momo was on the giving end, eliciting soft sighs and whispers and pleads from Dahyun’s mouth. She liked being close. She liked her chin getting scratched like a puppy. She liked it when Momo’s hands rested on her waist. She liked it when she could bury her head into Momo’s shoulder. Momo loved it too.

Momo was getting Dahyun in trouble. She knew that. Dahyun had university. But she came to her every afternoon after her shift was over instead. She hadn’t said anything, but Momo knew she was failing. She was sacrificing her degree to spend time with her.

The meetings at Dahyun’s favourite restaurant turned into dates at a video game arcade, the movies and even shopping for clothes together. It was cheesy and cliché, but it also wasn’t. Because Momo was already in a relationship.

The dates turned into cuddles and the cuddles turned into kisses. It went fast.

It went too fast. But of course, that didn’t make a difference.

“I’m pregnant.”

“What?”

“You heard me. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before… but it was just becoming so noticeable…”

Dahyun watched Momo’s eyes as they moved from her face down to her stomach. In the two months they had known each other, Dahyun couldn’t hide behind baggy clothing anymore.

Momo’s hand moved on its own, reaching for Dahyun’s stomach. When her fingers touched, Dahyun’s heart leaped to her throat and the baby inside her jumped for joy. Momo’s hand stayed there, feeling the movement, a sense of awe crossing over her features.

“You have a tiny human living inside you.” She mumbled ( _I want to cry_ ). Dahyun didn’t expect her to say something like that.

Momo had two people to protect now.

But what about herself?

Dahyun didn’t know what Momo and she were. She didn’t understand if the touches and the kisses and the dates and the promises meant anything. She didn’t know simply because they didn’t talk about it. It was almost taboo to bring up the subject with each other. They both knew that they weren’t comfortable talking about it, so there was a mutual agreement of silence on the matter.

Momo had a boyfriend. She wasn’t sure how much longer she would be around.

Dahyun was pregnant. She was risking her future and she still hadn’t told Momo about her homophobic parents.

They were simply Dahyun and Momo. Dahyun was Momo’s and Momo was Dahyun’s. Dahyun would do anything for Momo and Momo would do anything for Dahyun (except leave her boyfriend).

But the question of what they were came up without Dahyun meaning it to.

“Dahyunie?” Dahyun froze in Momo’s arms. Momo’s hand stopped caressing her swollen belly and was still (Dahyun was stupid). It was her mother. “What are you doing here right now? You have a lecture!”

Dahyun was afraid to lift her head from Momo’s shoulder, so she didn’t. She tightened her grip on her waist and pressed her lips to her neck, leaving them there.

“I told you to stay away from this woman! You’ll get sick.”

“Cancer isn’t contagious ma’am.” Momo’s voice vibrated against Dahyun’s head (Dahyun was being a coward).

“It turns out it isn’t the cancer I need to be worried about.” Her mother’s tone was dark and toxic. Dahyun kept her lips against Momo’s neck, refusing to look up. “What kind of sinful behaviour is this Dahyun? And in public at that.”

“Love isn’t sinful.” Momo grumbled (Dahyun should be the one speaking).

“So, you’re in love? So, she’s your girlfriend?” Dahyun was crying because of the tone of her mother’s voice (and because she was a coward).

“Yes.” Momo was forced to reply. Dahyun cried more because she wasn’t sure that that answer was what Momo wanted to say.

“Disgusting. Dahyun this is repulsive. Come here right now.”

Dahyun didn’t mean to, but she whimpered in fear. Her tears were sliding down Momo’s neck. She didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to find out what sort of punishment her mother would think of. Would it be as bad as when she had told her she was pregnant (it would be worse)?

“No.” Momo answered for her. “She isn’t coming with you. I’m going to look after her. I’m going to take her home and keep her safe and happy and warm and loved like she deserves. I won’t let someone as shallow minded as you take her away from me.”

“I am her mother.”

“She is an adult. You have no control over her.”

“Dahyun come here. RIGHT NOW.”

“I’m sorry.” Dahyun whispered against Momo’s neck.

_Sorry that I’m a coward. That I can’t stand up for myself. That I put you in an uncomfortable situation._

Everything is falling apart.

Momo is not fine. Momo is getting worse.

Momo doesn’t like hospitals. Mostly because she can’t avoid being touched and a little bit because she wasn’t getting paid to be there.

She was here because nothing was working, and she was getting infection after infection and she couldn’t walk because she didn’t want to eat which made her too weak and dizzy to stand. Heechul hadn’t left her side since she’d been admitted. They’d been told it was worse than they had previously thought.

Momo felt bad. Very bad for many reasons.

But she felt good because Dahyun had come to visit today. Momo rested her head on Dahyun’s bulging belly and listened to the baby inside. She was due in a few weeks. She looked ready to burst. Momo wanted to be there when it was born. She wanted to hear the cries and the screams and watch Dahyun’s face dissolve into happiness when she saw her baby.

But this story is a tragedy.

“I love you.” Momo told Dahyun. She had never said it before.

“I know.” Dahyun’s hand moved to the back of Momo’s shaved head to caress it with her thumb.

there isn’t any reason why momo couldn’t hold on. it’s just that she didn’t want to.

there isn’t any reason why dahyun couldn’t bare to look at her child when it was born. it’s just that she didn’t want to.

This is a tragedy. It was tragic from the start. There isn’t any reason why it can’t be continued so we can watch as Dahyun recovers. There isn’t any reason why I can’t rewrite the ending or the beginning or the middle so that Momo is still alive or that Heechul isn’t her boyfriend. I just don’t want to.

It ends. Suddenly and surely like Momo’s death and the birth of Dahyun’s child.

The odds were never in their favour.

It would be more likely for the world to end, it seemed, than for their relationship to work out. The odds of a camel going through the eye of a needle and even the chance of a rich man entering through the gates of heaven were greater.

Their love didn’t change the odds.

This is a tragedy.

I wrote it. I know what happens in the end.


End file.
